Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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