So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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