why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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