Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
