I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
