I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
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You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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