just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
