Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
