Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
