Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
