i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you will always have a special place in my vag
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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