okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
