You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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