just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
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The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
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Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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