you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
