If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
smell my finger.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
