I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
