I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
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Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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