Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize