May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
