$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
