I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
