she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
