Your mouth is God's brothel.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
should my penis look like a turkey
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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