seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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