The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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