Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
No subtext here. People are naked.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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