your parents love me but you hate me
just tell him i said nine months
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
