the condom got lost in my hair
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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