im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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