i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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