he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
