4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
