Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
