FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
