That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize