So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
