I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
