i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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