I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
