Redeem this text for a blowjob
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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