I wanna passion pit in your ass
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
