Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize