nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
