Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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