Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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