I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
