3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
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The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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