I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
