I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Terrible idea I love it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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