Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You can't motorboat a personality
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize