new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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