i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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