Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
