I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
