so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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