I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
