the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
