I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
