sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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