Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
