Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
