She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize