I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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