In the future we'll all be gay
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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