Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
