You're my little dorito
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
