Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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