i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
