How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
17 year olds will be the death of me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
